Monday, December 1, 2008

Jake "the Snake" story from a wanna be Author

Hey All, I have been writing a book for the last year. I am totally insecure and sheepish when it comes to my writing but I figure I need to take it on a test drive. Here is a sample. Let me know if its gutter trash that way I can crawl up in a hole and cry for a day or two. Otherwise...ENJOY!

"The summer of eighth grade, I embarked on my one and only summer camp experience. Directing one myself, I now see the importance of such an experience, and I’m occasionally caught thinking about my own expectations when I catch the dejected look of one of my current youths. Although much of this camping experience is lost somewhere in the recesses of my memory, a certain experience impacted me in such a way that it has altered the course of my life. Of course, that is the purpose of Christian camping—planting a seed that may take root many years down the road.

As we pulled into camp I was brimming with excitement. Our youth pastor informed us that the featured speaker at Pine Lake was Jake “The Snake” Roberts. As he delivered this news I nearly passed out from an overexposure to awesomeness. Jake “The Snake” Roberts was a former professional wrestler in the World Wrestling Federation.

Growing up in the 80’s there was one man who led the greatest army the world has ever known. He was more powerful than Ronald Reagan; he rocked harder than David Lee Roth, and his moves were smoother than Michael Jackson. His name was Hulk Hogan. That’s right, through the eyes of an eight year old, the 1980’s were dominated by one man: Hulk Hogan. The Robbins boys were Hulkamaniacs. In fact, I am fairly sure that the reason I still kiss my biceps is because of the impact of Hulk Hogan on my life.

The Hulkster was surrounded by a solid supporting cast, which included Hacksaw Jim Duggan, The Junkyard Dog, and Jake “The Snake” Roberts. Jake "The Snake" was famous for knocking his opponents out cold and draping his 10-foot python across their lifeless bodies. His look was classic 1983: curly, wet mullet; a hairy, barrel chest; and a pair of blue tights.

I don’t know that I can adequately explain the excitement that raced through our veins that day at summer camp. Picture a hoard of rowdy boys congregated outside the chapel. As one can imagine this group of boys erupted into a Royal Rumble reenactment. I delivered a forearm shiver and then a chop across the chest in tribute to the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair, “Whooo”. From the top ropes, two feet drove into my chest alla “Superfly” Jimmy Snooka. A pair of twins marched around pumping their fists like the Bushwhackers, WWF Tag Team Champions. We even spent precious commissary on cans of root beer that we chugged without tasting simply to smash the empty cans on our heads in a show of strength.

Consumed with a lethal mixture of testosterone and adrenaline the Chapel doors burst open. Covered head to toe in root beer we wrestled our way to the front. I positioned myself with one goal in mind. As soon as he pulled out that python, I was going to touch it. There are times in life where men must weigh “the cost”. In this case there wasn’t much consideration to be done, sacrificing a hand would be well worth the bragging rights.

The Chaplin made his introduction as I scanned the building looking for "The Snake". Expecting an entrance from the back I strained to survey the double doors behind me. All of a sudden the crowd began to applaud. Looking to my left a man stood up and approached the stage. He introduced himself as Jake Roberts. My heart sank.

"The Snake" had cut his mullet and lost 50 pounds. I grimaced, “Not the mullet Jake…not the mullet.” Instead of blue tights he wore a collared shirt buttoned to the top—not a single chest hair exposed. With every moment that passed my disappointment mounted. Jake made no mention of his battle royal with the "Junk Yard Dog". He uttered not a word about the patriotic "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. Nor did he tote a bag slithering with a 10-foot python..."

No comments:

Post a Comment