Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Tutorial: How to ride a wild donkey. By Shay Robbins- Donkey Rider


Step 1: Find yourself a wild donkey, like the beast pictured above.

Step 2: Become the Donkey Whisperer. In a soothing voice reassure the beast that, "everything is going to be ok", "i am a your friend, donkey" and "i have some corn for you to munch on...it's delicious."

Step 3: Look into the Donkey's eyes...into his soul.

Step 4: Make contact with the beast. Give him the thumbs up to calm his donkey nerves.

Step 5: Every so gently position yourself to the side of the beast. Note: do not get behind the beast as he will use the most lethal of defense mechanisms in all the Animal Kingdom: the deadly...DONKEY KICK. Now, swiftly perform a left legged chuck norris roundhouse kick to the spine of the beast. This will temporarily paralyze the monster.

Step 6: Muster all the tenacity of the Legendary Donkey Riders that have gone before you and sink in a Kung Fu grip into the mane of the beast. At this point expect the donkey to come out of the paralysis delivered from the Chuck Norris roundhouse to the lumbar spine you delivered moments ago. With the swiftness of a black shadow ninja assassin slide into the full mount position and hold on for dear life. Upon completion of your mission you will have earned the highly coveted title of "Donkey Rider".

3 comments:

  1. So if I were to go up to a donkey and do this it would actually work? (I'm researching for my novel)

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    Replies
    1. (Keep in mind that while asking this question I'm trying to sound as serious as possible, without sounding like a complete idiot.)

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