Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Where did "Uncle Week" come from?

My brother, there is a long standing tradition at Kanakuk K2 that is only whispered about behind closed doors. It is a mystery that has confounded the wisest men and left them wondering, “is this oral myth based on a tangible truth or simply a figment of my imagination??” The sort of general malaise only genius possess in the insane lament. Well, as you know, legends are birthed by legendary men. Let me tell you the story of how UNCLE WEEK began…

Many…many….moons ago a child was birthed in the dark recesses of a mysterious Ozarks cave. His mother and father, who were eaten by bats (obviously) named this infant boy…”Hawkeye McGillicuty”. The young Hawkeye fashioned a crib from guano and ate endangered blind albino salamanders to survive the first months of his legendary life. The boy grew strong because endangered salamanders are high in protein (not to mention 50 years later we know that HGH is derived from this very Ozarks salamander). In those days the last grizzly bear still roamed the hills of the Ozarks. Affectionately known by conservationists as, “Betsy” this grizzly discovered the man-child and raised him as her own. At the age of 5 the Ozarks experienced a hard winter and old Betsy’s fat reserves had run out and she was left foraging the stony hills to feed her and her man-child. Unable to forage even a single grub Betsy realized she must eat the manchild to survive…

The following spring rumors circulated amongst locals of strange sightings: a child wearing grizzly fur streaking though the forest. None of those claims could ever be substantiated. Meanwhile conservationists mourned over the disappearance of Betsy, the last Ozarks Grizzly.

Years later an ambitious man named Joe White began building a kamp in the heart of Hawkeye Mcgilliguty’s territory. Hawkeye stalked the young Joe White bent on taking his life. On a crisp, winter morning Hawkeye leapt from a towering oak tree onto the broad shoulders of Joe White. The two manbeasts tumbled down the side of the Ozark mountain bulldozing everything in sight. Legend has is that these two Men fought an epic battle lasting 13 or maybe even 25 days. Their fury and tenacity collided like a Texas tornado uprooting the Hard Cedar and Mighty Oak trees leaving behind perfectly constructed kabins, weight rooms, soccer fields, tennis courts and a k-dome in their aftermath. When the dust finally settled Joe White stood facing Hawkeye McGillicuty, fists drawn and jaw clenched…

Some say those mighty men reached an accord that day, still others claim Hawkeye is waiting to deliver his final blow. The following day a band of faithful men arrived at K2 to pave the way for the first summer of the Lord’s work. They were dubbed “UNCLES” in remembrance of the epic battle between Joe White and Hawkeye McGillicuty where one or both men said “uncle” knowing that the Lord’s work must begin. The Legend of Hawkeye McGillicuty lurks like a mysterious haze over Lake Table Rock. Every now and then you will see a flash of grizzly rustling in the trees and if a cold shiver whisks its way down your spine you will know that the Legend lives on.

1 comment:

  1. Write in vote for Shay's "if it's a boy name" Optimus Prime

    Jay Nowlin